I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
