i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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