You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
