garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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