Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
