is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
