Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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