There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
