So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
