Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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