Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
