I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
