yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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