I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't deserve a penis
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
