my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
