i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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