So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I will die if light touches me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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