come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
