You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
