I need to stop coming to work sober
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
