Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
