sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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