She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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