when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
