my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
