oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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