I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
