I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
