he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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