Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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