I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
