I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
