i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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