Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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