drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
