On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
