I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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