I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
