the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
