I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
