apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
