i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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