i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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