Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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