If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
