i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
