I need help removing her.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
