his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
