Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
