he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
