Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was CRYING into my vagina
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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