He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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