Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
