dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
