This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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