after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
