Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
