she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
