Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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