I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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