literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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