So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
