And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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