I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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