i think my tv is drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
