Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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