How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
