ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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