Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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