I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
