and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
