The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
