Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
