I like to think it a success when the cops are called
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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