Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
