i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't deserve a penis
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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