One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
