we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
