I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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