I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
