...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
