i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
