Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
