He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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