i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
