He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize