Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
