Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
