Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
